The Messy Middle - Three tips to help you
Are you betwixt and between? Also called the Messy Middle and Liminal space. Here are three tips to help you.
I am not patient with myself. When I was in the period of liminality, in the space between what I used to be, my old persona, and what I am transforming to be, I was frustrated. I just wanted to be over it. Let me be the butterfly that soars from the chrysalis – now! But I learned that I could not take the elevator to a new life. I had to take the stairs, the steps. And it would take time, maybe a very long time.
Are you also in liminal space? Betwixt and between?
In my work with clients, I find so many who are in a hurry even though they don’t know where they are going! I tell them to slow down and pay attention to the moments, to being in the process. This process of liminality is a precious and necessary stage of transformation.
We’ve been taught that results matter the most. What was the impact on revenue? How did your actions improve customer retention? Did you make it- get a spot on the team? Did you make cookies for my class party? Did you get a raise? Well then what’s the point of working so many long hours?
How we measure “success” is what’s wrong. I used to measure success by my job title, my salary, my sphere of influence in the corporate world. By what kind of car I drove, where I lived, etc. all the outside stuff. But that’s not what really matters. How did I feel inside? Empty. Lonely. Unsatisfied.
In my world now, I’m measuring success by how content, peaceful and happy I am. Am I helping others? Am I showing up with love? Am I serving others because that’s what God wants me to be doing, using my gifts and talents to serve others.
I get satisfaction out of doing things for others, expecting nothing in return. For example, for the past ten years I have been volunteering with my English Cream Retriever, Elle as a therapy dog team. Hospitals, nursing homes, college campuses – our presence makes people smile, relax and, according to research, lowers their blood pressure! It is immensely satisfying for both me and my dog who gets so excited when go on these visits. Even she feels a purpose. We aren’t expecting money or accolades. Our reward is just the grace of these moments.
1. Be patient and look for the grace. Where are you finding GRACE in your transition? Have you learned to be more patient? Do you believe things happen in God’s time, not yours?
2. Set aside your beliefs that only quick action and results matter
3. Accept the anxiety of feeling in suspense and incomplete.
These new ways of being mean you are learning to more smoothly navigate your transition in liminal space. It’s a positive step to your own new way of being in the world.
